


Eighteen

by EnRaa



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Multi, Slash, Teen Angst, Teenage Drama, mentions of sticky sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-03-09 17:43:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3258653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnRaa/pseuds/EnRaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hot Rod knew he was the mech the Matrix chose, but that didn’t mean he wanted to be that mech. </p><p>Being that mech ruined everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eighteen

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place during the season three episode "The Burden Hardest to Bear". 
> 
> This is pretty well just a blurb written after watching that episode way too late at night and writing instead of going to bed.

They had a lot of gall to expect Hot Rod to just accept the Matrix into his life without any qualms. None of them knew the feeling, the loneliness and the pressure that came with being a Prime, and sure they could all  _say_ they understood but he knew better.

No one understood how he felt about it, and no one really tried either.

He was just supposed to drop everything and become a master of battle tactics and politics and take the fall for every attack even if it was the Decepticons’ fault and humans just didn’t bother to TRY and tell them apart. He hated it all.

And then for his fellow Autobots to expect him not to miss his freedom. To not miss speeding down a road, freely, just like he was doing now, to be able to think for himself and only himself. For him to not have wants or needs.

He was tired. He needed a break.

Hot Rod knew he was the mech the Matrix chose, but that didn’t mean he wanted to be that mech. Being that mech ruined everything. People didn’t look at him the same anymore… All they saw was Rodimus Prime. Never Hot Rod. Friendships, loved ones, anything he had before the Matrix was lost to his stupid Prime status…! Everyone he was close to began to slowly alienate him when he became Prime, whether it was out of respect or general disinterest. He tried hard to bridge those gaps, he really did, but some mechs just had no use for him anymore.

Like Springer.

Springer, a mech Hot Rod had known most of his life and with whom Hot Rod shared some of his most cherished memories with. Someone that back in the day saw more than a little troublemaker in the hyper little speedster and took him in, gave him some confidence, nurtured his sense of adventure, _cared_ about him.

Always a little older, a little wiser, and always up for a challenge, Springer was Hot Rod’s idol when he was young. Hot Rod wanted to woo the mechs and femmes and be a warrior just like his best friend and Springer encouraged it, picked him up when he failed and told him to try harder, that he’d get it next time.

Hot Rod adored him for every bit of it. 

And when he broke a rule or two, like sneaking some high grade from Kup’s quarters to try for the first time even though he was very underage, Springer never even reprimanded him, just laughed and got in on the action. Then, when they were both grossly overcharged and everything was a joke and nothing had consequences any longer, Springer was his first kiss. Springer said something to the effect of 'a mech his age was too pretty to not have had a kiss yet'.

Yeah, Hot Rod was pretty, and he really did wonder what it was like. Of course he wanted to try it. Shortly after Hot Rod had that more or less down, Springer took his seals that very same night.

Looking back, Hot Rod knew he just wanted to be that much closer to Springer, to let the mech know that he trusted him that much. But at the time, he just knew he was charged and needed an outlet and Springer was there and pretty charged up himself so he asked the mech to teach him how to frag.

For the future mechs and femmes of course, because that drunken, lust-driven logic was solid.

But Springer took it, and him, and they never spoke of it again. Maybe the green mech didn’t remember, being drunk and all. Or maybe he was ashamed of it. Hot Rod didn’t know for sure.

Hot Rod wasn’t ashamed. It had hurt like the pits, and it had been all fumbly and uncoordinated and he kneed Springer in the helm at one point, but Springer had accidentally crushed his nose-ridge against his pelvic plating, but they just laughed it off and kept going, accepting it for the train wreck it was and Hot Rod loved every moment.

They still remained pretty close after that though. For a lot of years… But then all of a sudden, when he’d gotten the Matrix, the mech just became distant and didn’t seem to really want much to do with him. He kept himself busy with the war efforts, many of which Rodimus tried to help him with, but he’d always be pushed away.

It was like he outgrew him…

Kup said Springer was probably just having a hard time now that he was really understanding the war and just wanted to focus on what he felt was truly important. So Rodimus gave him space. Forcing the issue would drive them further apart. If he waited, he’d come back when he was ready and they’d be friends again. He wouldn’t pick fights with him any longer and they could be happy again.

But no matter how long he waited, Springer never came back to him. He just kept shoving him further and further away…

So he would go to Arcee.

Arcee was beautiful, graceful, amazing… And was always total pain in his aft. Right from when he was Hot Rod. She was always one-upping him, making him look weak or inferior in front of his mentor and his superiors. But he loved her for it, because at least while they picked and argued and she antagonized him relentlessly, she really cared about him. She listened to him, made time for him, held him when he was down.

She was had a motherly presence, like Carly. Only he could hug ‘Cee without crushing her.

One thing he always loved about Arcee was how he could talk to her. How she listened to everything he said and offered advice without judgment.

She was always there for him.

Except for when Springer came along. He wooed her, and they became a couple, and he was fine with them getting together, he really was. He wanted them to be happy. Sure he might’ve thought of pursuing Arcee once or twice but obviously she loved Springer.

What hurt though was how Arcee then spent most of her time with Springer. She spared hardly any time for Rodimus anymore. But hey, they were happy and together and who was he to meddle in that? Sure he was a little sad, being a third wheel and all, but he wondered if this was really a way to bridge the gap with Springer. Then he’d have the two of them!

But even Arcee was finding it hard to deal with the Prime aspect of his life. She wouldn’t antagonize him anymore. Wouldn’t disrespect him, because he was Prime. So they lost that spark in their friendship.

And then they just kind of drifted apart too.

He was tired, more than anything. Tired of losing his friends. Tired of losing everyone he loved. Even mechs he never really bothered with before the Matrix were too respectful to him. It was like no one wanted to get to know him anymore. No one wanted to go beyond commander and subordinate.

Really, the only one who never changed their views on him after the Matrix was Kup. The old mech would probably stay there til the end, too. At least the old fart still treated him the same way he always did…

Hot Rod probably would’ve given up a lot sooner if it hadn’t been for Kup’s unwavering support.

He was always there for Hot Rod, and when he became Prime, he was still there. No formalities, still the same old Kup. The only mech who actually still knew him. And for that, Hot Rod was thankful. He had one mech in his life that didn’t resent him or avoid him. Kup was an important part of his life; A teacher, a friend, a loved one, and his biggest support. Hot Rod wouldn’t be the mech he had come to be without Kup.

Even after the Matrix, Kup never pressured him, or forced responsibility on him. Not like Ultra Magnus did.

He knew Magnus was just trying to help him be a proper leader, but he was overdoing it.

A lot.

But what else could he expect from boring, infuriating, stick-up-his-aft Ultra Magnus.

Strong, handsome Magnus. The one mech who would hardly give Hot Rod the time of day before the Matrix. Though Hot Rod had been attracted to the mechs and femmes his own age, there was always something about Magnus that drove him crazy. He thought perhaps it was a hero complex or something, the same reason most of his peers went crazy over Optimus, but for whatever reason the mech was completely irresistible to Hot Rod.

And no matter how much effort he’d put into trying to be noticed, no matter how much he trained, how good he’d make himself look, Magnus never seemed to notice him. He did sort of understand back then; The mech was busy, he was tired, and really didn’t have time for a young, hyper mech who didn't know what he was doing with his life.

But he was young, and desperate back then. And if getting under the mech’s plating was what got Magnus to notice him…even negatively, it was something.

Kup told him to just get over it, that he was wasting his time and any young femme would be better than an old soldier like Magnus. He’d insist it was just a phase and that all youngsters want to get in their superior’s panel, but Hot Rod knew it wasn’t a phase. Sure, it might have started as lust, but as time went on and he would bother and antagonize the mech daily, he found he wanted so much more than a romp in the berth.

He wanted to feel the mech’s strong embrace around his frame. He wanted to be the sole reason for that spark-melting smile he rarely got to see. He wanted to help the mech relax after a long day…

He had it bad, and he knew it, but he just kept telling himself one day it would happen.

And then he got the Matrix, and all of a sudden he had a way to get close to the mech, get to know him, because hey they would be working together all the time!

But then every conversation that wasn’t about the war or the Autobots was usually shot down with “not now Rodimus” or he’d change the subject and keep it strictly work-related and it was driving Hot Rod off the deep end.

After several months of continuous shut-downs, the speedster was a little prickly. Magnus wouldn’t give him anything, no matter how hard he tried. He could even settle for being friends, but Magnus wouldn't even let that happen.

So when the time came to celebrate a glorious Autobot victory, and he got a little overcharged on the energon wine, he didn’t even feel bad about crawling into Magnus’ lap and pressing their lip plates together clumsily.

He made Rodimus wait too long. The fragger deserved it.

When they parted Magnus scolded him of course, telling him that Daniel could have seen and yeah, that would have sucked, but then the mech smiled that beautiful smile and drug him off to one of the empty offices, and Rodimus was shaking he was so excited because finally the mech was accepting him into his life! He would be able to show he was worthy, that he’d make him so happy…!

Those arms folded around him as he was sat in the mech’s lap, and he was in heaven as Magnus kissed his neck cabling. He was finally here, with Magnus, and this would be the game changer, this would be how Rodimus would finally get to show the mech how much he adored him.

Ultra Magnus had the speedster coming apart at the seams, and age apparently did translate to experience because Magnus’ hands were the single most amazing thing Rodimus had ever felt and he was spilling out his affections, his needs, his wants, and Magnus just listened, leaned down, encompassing Rodimus’ frame with his own in the most perfect way…

And whispered “ _Prime_ ” into his audial.

All at once he had sobered up and lost his charge. His spark felt like it was being crushed by a vice and his vents couldn’t filter air quick enough. That wasn’t right.

Magnus didn’t call him ‘Prime’, ever.

He always called him Rodimus.

Magnus called Optimus ‘Prime’.

He fought his way out of the mech’s lap, made something up, and left. And he ran to his quarters, locking himself inside and curling up in front of the door.

The mech still didn’t want him. He never did. He was just a replacement, a fill-in. And Rodimus had foolishly thought he would be enough.

But really, wasn’t that all he ever was? Rodimus Prime was a joke. Hot Rod could never be Optimus… He was chosen because the mech needed a successor last minute and the Matrix HAPPENED to land in his servo.

He was no hero.

He was no Prime.

He was just a confused teenager who relied on his mentor and his second in command to help him bring the Autobots to victory. He told everyone what they wanted to hear and acted on impulse, accepting the consequences as they came. And in the end, he couldn’t even handle the pressures of leadership. He was a walking disaster and everyone just respected the title of Prime so much that they wouldn’t tell him.

Apparently he couldn’t even fill the gap for Optimus’ lover.

It would figure he wouldn't even be able to fill in for someone correctly.

Nobody ever wanted _him_. He was never enough. And he couldn't be any more than himself. He wasn't anyone else.

He was Hot Rod.

And if no one thought Hot Rod was enough, he would agree. Because after all, things would be better off this way; He was getting away from everyone who didn’t seem to want him, Magnus and Springer and Arcee and Kup could get the Matrix back and maybe Magnus could step up and win the war.

He always knew he could.

But Hot Rod would finally be free. He could go back to being that stupid, hyper teenager that craved speed and wasted most of his days doing absolutely nothing. At least Hot Rod had people that cared about him once.

And everyone would go back to assuming he’d amount to nothing and he could live with that. At least then when he done something he was proud of and others were proud of he was noticed. It wasn't just expected of him to do great things.

He just couldn’t deal with those expectations any longer.

So he was done.

So long, Rodimus Prime. He preferred Hot Rod anyway.

Just like everyone else.

 

end


End file.
